I've heard all sorts of embarrassing and horror stories about walking out on a girl at a parlor from you guys, so I guess it's time for me to give you one of my own, but it's not your average “walking-out on after seeing the girl” story:

I'm allergic to coconut, and like you know half the places use coconut oil nowadays since it's good for your skin and stomach and whatever the hell else they say it's good for. So, I come into the massage parlor I had only been to a few times, I feel like I lucked out because I got a young and beautiful Japanese girl to give me a good massage.  Her name was Yoko.

Before they used unscented regular baby oil, so I didn't bother to check what kind the lady was using this time, I was too busy showing off all the Japanese I learned in my business travels to Yoko since her English was very limited. As soon as the oil touches my body, I get a major rash.  Since it was only a topical coat on a small portion of my body, I didn't go into shock or anything, but man I feel like I got stung by like 30 bees. Yoko notices my back is red and swelling and calls for mama-san.

I don't know what went down with them, but fifteen minutes later I have walked out of the place with Yoko and headed straight to the doctor's office, who luckily had his clinic only a few blocks away. Yoko is pale as a ghost, and I'm lying face down wearing only a towel (remind you of something?) and I tell the doctor that “my girlfriend” Yoko wanted to surprise me after work with a massage but didn't know about my coconut allergy.

Everything goes smooth, I get some ointment for my rash and I just have to relax in there for a little bit while the swelling subsided. Yoko still looks concerned so the doctor asks her what's up. Yoko asks him straight up, in half-broken English: “It's not herpes, is it?”

I swear, we had a great laugh over that. I saw Yoko a few times after that and we always talk about it. So, if you ever get a back rub from a Japanese lady wearing gloves, you will know why. 

Mongers, care to share any war stories?