10.  You call the massage parlor, they say a specific girl is going to be there...you show up and you see like 2-3 grandmas waiting for you. Complete bait and switch. It happens less at AMPs than with escorts, but this is still a VERY big problem.

9.  The RA picks up their cell phone in the middle of a session. Seriously?!? Can they at least wait until after I'm done? The worse was when I was on bottom and a girl was talking to her bf for like 10-15 minutes straight while we were going at it. Granted, this was in Tijuana (and the conversation was in Spanish with her "novio"), but still..majorly fucking annoying.

8. "Sorry hunie...we only do massage here"..after reading the reviews here that she is the nastiest hoe in San Jose. "Sorry hunie..you want HJ? That 's is extra!" "Sorry hunie...you want my top off? That is extra too"..Some places you go to are notoriously known for upselling their suckers (ooops, I meant clients). Stay away from these places unless you don't mind paying a 50% premium for standard service.

7. Clock Watchers. I paid for an hour, give me an hour. Just because I am not a young, Italian stallion anymore..doesn't mean we can't just chat for the remaining 10-15 minutes. I hate it when the MMS knocks on the door to let the customer and RA know to "hurry up."

6. I hate it when the RA comes in with a flattering, sexy-as-hell outfit--only to disappoint me with a padded bra and breasts the size of my 3 year old nephew. This i majorly disappointing. Usually the Korean and Latina MPs deliver the goods--the Chinese ones tend to be offenders more often of pet peeve #6.

5. When the establishment keeps the light down TOO low and I can't even get a good close of the RAs they walk by until it's too late and I am too horned up. Part of the reason this happens, is they ask for the cash up front, usher you quickly into the room and think you will just pick the first one that comes in. Don't do it! Wait until you see all the choices on the menu before deciding which dish to eat.

4. Girls who are drenched in too much perfume, or need deodorant and have some nasty smelling BO. Smell is very important to Mongo. I'm there to relax--not to practice holding my breath and getting jacked off at the same time.

3. Girls that pretend they are in a porno shoot and are having the best sex of their lives. I don't fake it, you shouldn't fake it either. I'm not black, and my dong is NOT the largest or longest you have seen in your life.

2. Girls who give weak massages. I want to relax. I want a decent massage. I don't want to be feather touched. Put some effort into it. Make me feel comfortable. Tease me. Get me erect without having to stroke me. 

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 #1 ... Bad breath. They complain about the hygiene of us mongers, but have they ever thought that bad breath can completely ruin an entire session. I don't want to get a massage from a lady who's mouth smells like an ashtray, nor do I want to feel like I am at a Kim-Chi eating, dim sum restaurant. To avoid this last one, sometimes I offer my RA a mint or some gum. Normally, they get the hint.

So there you have it folks, those are Mongo's top 10 biggest pet peeves while visiting an AMP. 

What are YOUR top 10 pet peeves?

Happy hunting,

Mongo