A couple of buddies hit me up on Monday night and told me that they were dropping by in 10 minutes and I should get ready.  No clue where we were going, but these guys roll pretty hard, so I knew it was gonna be a good night.

First stop, the bar where we guzzled down a few shots and a couple of beers and caught some boring ass baseball on the tube.  Then one buddy had the idea to hit up the strip club.  Being the agreeable one, I went along.  BIG Mistake. 

If you have ever gone to a strip club on Monday night, it is pretty depressing.  We go inside and there is one dancer on the stage and the rest of the strippers milling around trying to check out the fresh meat.  We try to sit at a booth, but was quickly told that the booth was VIP only and they would need the seats for the “VIPs” coming in later.  We all looked around the room to see two patrons outside of our group.  Ended up sitting at the stage where a stripper was half heartedly going through her routine.  Showed some tit, showed some ass and showed some cooch.  I threw down a buck for her troubles and she told me later that if I sit at the stage, I needed to tip at least a buck a song. Blah.

In any case, I felt in the spending mood, so I found a blue eyed blondie that was to my liking and went back for a lap dance.

Here are the details of the dances.

1.    $100 for 3 songs.

2.    Light back stroking

3.    No boob touching

4.    No crotch touching

5.    Definitely no kissing

12 minutes later, I was done.  Out a Benjamin and didn’t even get my rocks off.  Dance was pretty mechanical and all the rules turned me off.

I should have gone down the street to the massage parlor for a handy.  Next time my buddies say let’s go to the strip club, it will only happen if someone is having a bachelor party.